Monday, April 30, 2007

Sunday, April 29, 2007

What should I be doing?

I told a friend that I would help her come up with a logo for her business. I have an idea of what she wants, and I thought I'd surprise her with a linocut. And then I got all excited and had to run to the art supply store right then, even though dinner wasn't made and my dad is coming in two days and the house isn't clean.

Loon and I were talking the other day about the role that creativity has in our lives. It has a restorative function that I somehow forget about. Then I get a chance to make something with my own two hands, and damn if it isn't fun. Not that my life is grim. Far from it. It's just that I don't often have the space in a day to make things. I think that this family is going to have to change that.

Simon likes photography, and printing, and has taken all sorts of art classes. I think we'll have to find the space for him to do some of that. It just makes your life go by smoother when you get to spend some happy time making a thing. I suppose it keeps you from cackling.

Of course, today I was thwarted. The only art supply store around here is Michaels, or so I was told. Michaels thinks that two blocks of rubber and a brayer constitute a selection of "Block printing supplies" that are worthy of their own sign on the aisle. So. Called an artist friend who said there was someplace else to try in town. If that doesn't work, I'll have to go online, but what I really want to do right now is feel the satisfying slip of the knife through the linoleum. I want the glee that comes when you watch a piece of art being born in your very hands. The surprise of meeting it- the unexpected beauty it has, even though it was your idea and you're the creator.

I'll just have to wait.

Waily waily,

Saturday, April 21, 2007

How Christians frequently piss me off.

I belong to a homeschooling yahoo group. A big deal is made about how this group is for secular and Christian homeschoolers both. From my perspective, this group is for the Christian homeschoolers, and we secular homeschoolers are "welcome" as long as we suck up the Jesusy-God bullshit and say "Thank you" when we're done.


Maybe it's not that bad.


The messages in the group are usually about homeschooling, but the God-y-ness is everywhere. Fine. This group is for everyone, Jesus freaks and all, and if they want to talk about how they fit prayer into their school day between every lesson, yippee. I'm sure there are MANY people on the list who are dying to hear about it. Feel free. And if they want to put up messages about the content in books or movies, that's great too. More info about things you spend money on is all good, even if you're telling me that- gasp- this movie doesn't show the proper respect for televangelists. I don't care, but it's thoughtful of you to share.

But why oh why do they insist on telling me what I like? Why oh why do they always assume everyone on the list is a Christian? There was a message that said "This article will make you proud you're a homeschooling mamma!!!!" I read it. It was about how pitiful Hillary is, and how homeschooling mamas are great because they submit to their husbands and would never think of themselves as feminists and their faith in God keeps them strong and blah blah blah.... And then I had to shower. But afterwards I posted a reply that said "Or it will make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. To each their own." Because what made me mad was not that the article had a different viewpoint than my own, nor was it that it was put in my inbox. It was that the post-er had assumed that I would love it. It's the difference between the subject line reading "Article you will love" (the actual subject line) and "Article about Homeschooling Moms". Hell, I probly wouldn't even have been bothered with "Interesting article".

Of course, afterward, someone posted another inspirational article about how faith gets us poor women through our school day, but with the apologetic preamble "I am almost afraid to make the post but will give it a try and hope it is well accepted." It isn't the posts, dumb asses! If it's about homeschooling, plop it up there! Just don't tell me what to think about it. Sheesh.

Of course, this doesn't come naturally to many Christian types, because every Sunday they're told how right they are and how wrong everyone else is and how they need to tell everyone else what to think and how to believe. No one tells them to trust that people have the common sense to figure out their own spiritual beliefs. No one tells them to respect other opinions. No one says to live and let live. No, all the good Christians must proselytize, and if that doesn't work, they have to legislate everything from who can marry to what can be done to your own body, and it's all so that everyone in America, regardless of religion, will have to behave like Christians.

Pant, pant, pant...

Sorry to go off like that. I needed to rant a little, because I realize that the yahoo group is not the appropriate place. Mercifully, this is, because it is my place. This means, oh Christian ones, that if I have offended, go back to your own place and rant about me there. I can stomach no more Christianity today.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only "secular" homeschooler there. I'm pretty sure I must be the only Atheist, because no one else ever bitches. Also, no one else ever posts things like "simple explanation of evolution found here" or "teach your kids about culture jamming" or "free screening of An Inconveinent Truth tonight!". I was thinking about this and feeling very Cartman-esque .

The trouble is, there is no similar group where I do feel at home. So then I thought- Aha! I'll quit bitching and make my own Yahoo group, and if the Christians try to join I'll say they have cooties and I didn't want to be their friend anyway- I mean, umm, I'll quit whinging and make what I need. Then I looked at the people in my address book and realized that I know about 10 people that might be at all interested in such a yahoo group, which means that maybe one person would actually join.

This was all going on yesterday and the day before. Today I'm feeling like I just don't care. I can't even get interested in the blogs I usually read- it all seems vapid somehow. Blah blah blah, me me me, my opinion matters, I happened.

Maybe I'm starting to cackle.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Zofran is my friend.

Sill queasy, but I'm doing much better. I've made dinner twice this week, and even took a shower! Yay me!

Have you ever been sick or recovering from something for a really long time? It's like you've lost your glasses weeks ago and are trying to muddle through without them- you don't notice details, you don't do your best, you just try to get through the house without stepping on the pets. Then, when you finally do feel better, it's like you've found your glasses, and when you put them on- whoa boy. The house is a mess, you've been ignoring the family, the laundry has been transformed from a chore to a continent. That's where I am right now. The dear family has been keeping things afloat whilst I lay on the floor and moan, but they've got other things to do too. Moon Unit may never live down how much he/she put the fam through in these first few months.

During the worst of the morning sickness I broke down and asked the Dr for drugs. I was expecting permission to try Benedryl, honestly, but instead he prescribed Zofran, which I prefer to call the Magic Pill. It truly is magic. You can tell, because it costs much more than gold, about $20 for 4 mg. I figure it's made from leprechaun hairs or eunuch sperm or some such. You dissolve the little pill on your tongue and ten minutes later you're starting to feel better. You still feel like crap, and you can tell your stomach is rebelling because it still does its twisty things, but you don't feel Nauseous. It's the difference between laying there trying not to cry, trying not to puke, and generally wanting to die, and just laying there feeling like crap.

When they called and told me what they were prescribing me, the conversation was oddly short and somewhat one-sided. "We're prescribing you Zofran. It works very well. Where do you want us to call it in?". They did not say "We're prescribing you a powerful drug for an off-label use that hasn't been tested on pregnant women." Being the geek I am, I went online and looked things up before I got the pills. I decided to go ahead and take it anyway, based on lots of anecdotal stuff I read. Still makes me nervous. And it makes me doubly nervous when I think of how much my Doctor was taking for granted- that I would want to take a drug for an off-label use. Seems like a pretty big assumption to me.

But there's not a lot of choice around here. There are four practices, and I have already decided that two of them thoroughly suck. Of the two that are left, one of them won't even consider VBAC, so there you are. Decision made.

VBAC. There's a fine kettle of fish. I have no idea what I'm going to decide to do. I want to give birth the old fashioned way without any additional risk of uterine rupture. That I'm sure of. Since that's not possible, I'm unsure about the remaining options.

Well, I have a whole lot of catching up to do on house work. You can imagine.

Catch ya later,

Simon pointed out that he did do laundry. It is entirely due to his kind attentions that any of us have had clean clothes. It is entirely my fault they're all in baskets in the laundry room and we can't find the clothes he washed.

Also the Doctor says they don't approve drugs for pregnant women because nobody can sort out the ethics of drug trials when a fetus is involved. He says it's all off label use. I'm not sure about the word "all", but I concede the point.

Meta Update:
If you're pregnant and trying to decide if Zofran is safe, the cold hard truth is that nobody Really knows for sure. A large experiment is currently being performed on our babies by us and the the Doctors who write us the scripts. The only reassurance I can give you is that, in my case, so far, the pills worked wonders and the baby was born happy and healthy. You have to make the decision that's right for you. Welcome to motherhood.

If you're not pregnant, and you're reading this wondering if Zofran gets you high, please fuck off.
Thank you, that is all.