Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hoi polloi

I went to Walmart yesterday. In our house this store is known as "The Devil Store". We heap scorn upon it because of the consumer mecca it is. Because of the little local stores it squashes. Because of the waste it engenders. And yet, since it has so successfully obliterated the local competition, when I am left making a choice between box stores I often end up choosing it because it's the closest.

We started our adventure in the returns line, where I had ample time to contemplate the intellectual abilities of the cashier on duty. The unwashed hair. The coats that couldn't close over the beer guts. The very special choices of hair cuts. The mass produced cheap clothes that are saying lots of things, but none of it worth hearing.

After completing the tour of the store we got in the checkout line, and both Boy and I were astonished to see what appeared to be a very, very small turd on the floor. A turd. On the floor. We skirted around it and moved up in line to take the place of the people who were just leaving which is when I was washed in the odeur of raw, human sheee-yit. Seriously. I believe the man in front of us in line had pooped himself.

It was at this point that I began to feel a growing sense of panic. Usually I'm the great apologist in the family- the one to point out that no one poops themselves if they can help it, and people have it hard these days, etc.- but right at that moment I was hung up on two horrible thoughts. The first was that everyone here was so common. This store was grotesque, a freak show hawking a peek at the horror that is the working class.

The second horrible thought?
I belonged there.

The Bug's coat was all manky around the edges from some cream cheese on a bagel fed to her in the car. Fed to her in the car the day before yesterday. I lose points for feeding her in the car and for not washing her coat.

The Bean's coat was in better shape, but her hair was sticking up "ever hwhich uhway". I smoothed down the worst of it with my fingers, but no amount of smoothing is going to hide the unbelievably bad job I did of cutting her bangs. I know how to cut bangs, but I didn't do a single thing I know I should do, and the result is that most people think she cut her hair herself. I lose points for not brushing her hair and for mangling her do.

I myself wasn't in the best state. I'd hid my hair under my hat rather than do anything with it.

I understand that people are the way they are for a reason. We generally make the best choices we can with the knowledgeand resources we have at the time. Spending time at Walmart, however, does not bring out my compassionate side like I want it to. I get overwhelmed by the ugly and the stupid and I want to run from the store, tearing my clothes and screaming. I feel so classist. I desperately want to be able to say that these aren't my people. That this place is beneath me. That I don't belong.

Sometimes I think I will never again step foot in that store. Other times I think I need to shop there until I have conquered by inner classist and regained solidarity with my fellow man.

I haven't gained any real insight from this. All I'm left with is the feeling I need to shower.

Going to make her snobby self another cup of coffee,

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Ooo! Ooo!

Here's a good Idea- Candle Night! It's non-religious, doesn't require buying shit, there's no big meal involved- the point is to hang with your loved ones. That's a holiday I can get behind.

Thanks, Z, for directing me there!

Going to go wash some socks that are three sizes too small,

Friday, December 19, 2008


I wish that every woman on the planet knew what her natural hair looked like, and that if she decided to mess with it after that, it was because she enjoyed doing so.

I wish that every woman could enjoy the sight of her own face without makeup on it.

I wish that every person could appreciate their body for the miracle that it is, whatever color, size or shape it comes it.

And while I'm putting my order in, I'd like a large peace-on-earth and some extra good-will-towards-men.


Monday, December 08, 2008

Notes for Posterity

You're a year and a month old now. You've finally gotten the hang of walking. We'll tell people you walked at a year, but it was probably the very last day of that last month before you started to take a few steps by yourself.

You love fuzzy things. Hand you a stuffy and you'll plop flat over so you can smoosh your face in it, then you'll waggle your head back and forth so you can really enjoy the soft. Oh, the soft.

You've got Four teeth on top, three and half on bottom, and one molar's worth of prickles in the back. Three more molars are about to come through.

You have quite the vocabulary- "Moooommm-my!" (ascending pitch) means food, me or Poppy. SooSee! (Descending pitch) Means Lucy doggie. "Hi" is self explanatory, and rare. "Gank Goo" means Thank you and is spoken after every bite of food. You also spend a lot of time saying "BaaaBoo!", but I couldn't say why.

Just this week you've been spending a lot of time learning how to walk whilst holding something. It's proven to be very tricky. You've also been devoting a lot of time to Sip, your sister's stuffed guiney pig. She is less than thrilled, so we've been trying to convince you that Cookie Monster is a suitable alternative. You usally agree, because he says things, like "Dumdeedumdumdum" and "Cooooookie" and he burps. Sip never burps.

Your brother noticed that you are very photogenic. He's right. Seems like all the pictures we have of you are good ones- big smiling baby face. Everyone should be so lucky.

Nothing much else to say, I just wanted to make a note of how wonderful and fun you are right now, because it all goes by so fast.