Friday, April 24, 2009

Great Response!

I must have good karma, because last night I picked up the toys, even though I'd already done it once, and this morning I insisted the Bean wear some panties, and when I got up I got dressed right away instead of waiting until I needed to leave the house, and all these trivial things combined meant I didn't have to be embarrassed about the state of my house or family when the police came at 7:30 this morning to ask if everything was alright.

Impressed with a two minute response time to her daughter's 911 call, embarrassed it was made, and hopeful it didn't take resources away from those who needed them,

Saturday, April 18, 2009


Now then. This week just flew, didn't it! We went down to visit MyFarmer and have a lovely time. Wellll, by we, I mean me and the girls. Simon had to work, and the Boy had to grow up.

A few weeks ago the Boy began going to rehearsals. For something. He didn't really specify what. Or tell me when the something would happen. So ON SUNDAY he lets fly that he'll be recording some music with a band on TUESDAY. TUESDAY would be the day that MyFarmer and I had our hearts set on spending with each other. Would I have set us up for doing this TUESDAY if the Boy had informed me weeks and weeks ago that he had something planned? Ummm, no. So Simon and I discussed it and decided that the Boy should pay the piper and stay home.


So I'm at a rest stop on the Pennsylvania border when the Boy calls, all in a dither, asking me HOW HE'S GOING TO GET TO THE RECORDING STUDIO.
I responded "Fuck if I know!" and hung up on him whilst I calmed down. Because, honestly! I had assumed this was going to be a small thing, a get together at the Y where he practices, recorded on portable equipment. And I assumed this because he had never, NOT ONCE, mentioned needing a ride. After I calmed down a bit I called him back and we discussed the fact that this was just another problem to be solved, BY HIM, and went through a few options. He ended up getting a ride, and it was all good, but heaven help us if he doesn't learn some things from this adventure.

I'm a bit of a flake, but I like to think I've overcome most of the problems that generates by using crutches. Calendars and Yahoo and all that. The Boy appears to have inherited my flaky tendencies, but he needs to learn to use crutches too, because this shit just won't fly. So we discuss whether what he's doing works. And what would work better. And I give him chances to mess up, because it's better he messes up now when we're here to back him up, but I wonder if I'm even going to have hair left to gray by the time he figures this out. He'll probably get it down about the time his sisters start giving me grief.

But I digress. I visited MyFarmer, who is not farming just now. She is looking for a place to live, because her landlords decided her house is so marvelous they want to live there. Nice, huh? We drove past some options and looked at some more online. It's hard to find a place for a family of five. And two dogs. Wellllll, one dog and one miniature barking horse. Max is a sweety, but he's HUGE. In the morning he would flop down on his side and try to get the girls to play with him by gently waving his paws at them. Our dog Mabel used to do the exact same thing to play with her much smaller sister Lucy. It's very sweet to watch.
What else?
We told stories and drank coffee and stayed up too late and signed MyFarmer up on Facebook and it was all over too fast. We'll be going back down Memorial Day weekend to do it up right with the whole family. YAY!

The drive back was a doozy. I was pooped, too little sleep for too long, and the girls were pooped too. When I was trying to leave I almost got stuck in the driveway- the van handled so strangely!- until MyFarmer asked if the parking break was on. Oh yeah! Hot Stuff, coming through! I kept trying to think positive thoughts about how the day was going to go, but it was hard when Google Maps steered me wrong, and the construction slowed me up, and the girls cried and asked for milk OVER AND OVER, and I had to pee desperately but the construction just didn't let up and I couldn't get off the road. As soon as I ended up driving North like I was supposed to, and the state of PA saw fit to let me off the road, we took a nice long break. This helped, so we did it once more before home, but the five hour trip still ended up taking us nine hours. Nine llloooonnngggg hours.

Which meant that when the Loon called and said she wouldn't be visiting this weekend because she was chickening out at the prospect of making the nine hour trip with her baby alone, I completely understood. Oh yes I did. Wait till your wifey can go too and then have a go at it, by all means.

In other news, I've ordered glasses online. Zenni Optical had the cutest glasses, so even though The Oracle warned me that they have had problems recently getting their stuff through customs and to the customers, I sent them the money and hoped for the best. Yesterday I called to get a tracking number, but no one answered the phone and the mailbox was full, which isn't a good sign. They'll get here eventually. My contacts don't fit well, and these glasses suck wooky, but all that means is that when my new lovely specs get here I'll be that much more grateful to have them, right?

The Bean has decided that using the potty is fun. She objects to the wearing of pantys- floweredy, sparkly monkey or just plain pink, but as long as she's not using up diapers I don't think I care. One thing at a time, man, one thing at a time.

Hoping you're wearing happy undergarments,

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Good idea?

"With college costs continuing to soar and more college graduates struggling to make their student loan payments, the Reduce The Rate Petition is urging lawmakers to extend the benefits of the federal bailout to students.

The plan, designed to help college students and their families in this fragile economy, calls on Congress to do the following:

  • Reduce the interest rate on all student loans to 1%.
    If banks can borrow at 1% or less, then so should our students.
  • Extend the grace period before loan repayment begins from 6 months to 18 months for students who graduate.
    In these tough economic times, it takes a college graduate an average of 6 months to 1 year to find a job. The rules should reflect this reality.
  • End the penalties assessed to schools for student loan defaults.
    Schools should not be held accountable for students who don’t pay back their loans.
  • Increase Pell Grants to cover the average yearly cost of a public
    4 year institution instead of the amounts in the current stimulus package--$5,350 starting July 1 and $5,550 in 2010-2011"
Blatently cut and pasted from the site. Seems like a really good idea to me.

Am tired. Up at least once for every child last night. Simon didn't sleep good either. No coffee upon waking. Cookies for breakfast.

BUT! Yesterday I raised my high score on Scramble to 155, and found the word "ganglion".

Really hoping today is a better day,

Friday, April 03, 2009


I just have to share. I had always made the argument that the bible never said women couldn't have sex with each other, but I thought I was the only one who noticed. Nice to know I'm not.

And I had no idea there would ever, ever be a need for a web page entitled "Fisting and God's Will".

Doesn't that just put the yeller in yer daffydils*?

I made that up right this second and have no idea what it means.

In Which I Probably Write Enough For a Novel

You've been warned. I have a lot to post.

First. My Mom came for a visit. You need to know that my relationship with my mother has been strained since I was a senior in HS. When I was younger we were thick as thieves, and it seems to me that when I started to grow up and away she wigged out. I think she would say I wigged out. Whatever. This is the nature of things, but it meant that our togetherness was weakening. Add to this the fact that she left for Russia to "Do the Lord's Work", while I spent the next year un-xianing myself. Religion was a huge part of our relationship when I was growing up, and I removed it. I removed it, spat on it, kicked it in the nuts and did a little jig. Every visit we've had since then has been strained by a tacit conversation about this issue in my head. In the beginning it wasn't so tacit, actually. Mom would remind me of what the lord wanted, and I would blow her off. I made it more and more clear that I didn't want to hear about his plan for me, so Mom got quieter and quieter. I knew (or thought I did) what Mom thought about the way I lived, so I got quieter and quieter too. Once Boy was old enough to understand what was what, I told her in no uncertain terms that proselytizing conversations with him would mean no further visits. I told her we needed to have a relationship with each other without god being there, and she told me she didn't know how. I said we'd have to learn. She cut her visit short and left.

This visit with my Mom would be the first time I felt like we made progress with our relationship as a twosome. We talked about when and why I quit believing in God, and she acknowledged that she wouldn't be changing my mind. I told her that I knew religion worked for her, and I wouldn't try to change her mind either. I know it pains her to see the choices I make, but I'm finally growing up enough to let that be her bag. I'm telling her things even when I know they won't make her happy. Our relationship can grow into something new because I'm done letting it be about pleasing her. Yay us!

So while we were doing all this growing and relating, I came down with a cold. And just as I was getting better, Mom caught a stomach bug. And right after she left the Bean came down with it, so I spent a day or two in her bedroom comforting her and cleaning her up and feeling pretty poorly myself (although I wasn't puking). Because dealing with a sicko wasn't, um, swell enough on its own merits, I decided to step on my glasses and break them in two. This being the last pair I had that I was willing to leave the house in. I'm down to my welfare glasses.

Ahhhh, my welfare glasses. I tend to not pay much attention to how I look. I can go for days without looking in the mirror. I'll run to the grocery store in yoga pants and unbrushed hair. I never wear makeup. Ask me to wear these glasses in public, though, and I feel a need to apologise to strangers for my grotesque appearance. The rational part of my brain posted an alert that this was odd and needed examination. I've spent a lot of time looking in the mirror, trying to decide if they're really that bad. It's hard for me to admit this, but I don't think they are. They aren't good, but they don't make small children cry. Maybe I'm hung up on them because they really are welfare glasses. They are the standard issue glasses that medicaid buys. Medicaid buys a set of frames that don't really fit my head. Also? Medicaid buys you low index lenses. These factors combine to create a heavy clunky seeing device that falls off my head every time I bend over. I mean, they completely fall off. Of my head. When I bend over, they fall off of my head. They frequently wander about my nose if I look down or turn too quickly, which is also annoying. When I first started wearing them I thought I needed to get over myself, because I can see through them and that makes them good enough, but after spending a week with them I think I'm justified in buying a new pair. They actually hurt me because I keep trying to use my head muscles to keep them on/up.

Let's sum up: I have these glasses that I hate, but I think I need to get over myself and wear them because I can see through them and I don't want to be the kind of person who lets their external trappings dictate their self image, but they fall off and make my head hurt so maybe I should get new ones, but I worry this argument is speciously justifying an unnecessary purchase, and jumping Jehoshaphat I know how to over think a thing, don't I.

I'll be buying new glasses, necessary or not.

Let's see, what else. OH! Mouse shenanigans! So we got our first mouse in our new digs. I was using the cast iron skillet to brown some onions, when I realized there was an extra special ingredient*. Simon and I tied up several traps worth of pepperoni, then laughed at Lucy as she set them off, then set them up in dark corners around the kitchen. The next morning Boy came downstairs to discover the mouse sitting on the counter, staring at him. Staring at him with huge, impossibly cute eyes. He caught it with a colander, and left me this note**:



Can we use live traps from now on?"

Simon and I plunked the girl into a tupperware and he dropped it off on the side of the road on his way to work. Lucy set off a trap again, because she's stupid and doesn't learn, and the baby picked it up and sucked on the pepperoni. There haven't been any more mice leavings, so we may be done. Wouldn't that be nice?

Last night I went grocery shopping. Not news, really. I mention it because I've been trying to spend less on groceries. I was hypothesizing to MyFarmer that the results would follow a curve that would go down at first, but then go back up and reach a plateau close to the starting point. I've been trying to only buy what we need for our menu, not buy whatever we're out of. I figured that at first we'd save some money, but once we used up what was on hand the bill would go back up because we'd need every ingredient in a recipe. I think we may have reached that point. We'll see. I only bought what we needed for the menu, but the total was still $180. For one week. Not counting the milk, butter and eggs I buy elsewhere. True, there will be several of next week's meals coming out of this week's purchases, but will there be enough to even out? I'd like to keep it to $150, including toilet paper and coffee and beer. Even that seems like a lot, but unless I start buying the kind of food that comes with coupons, or I start growing the kind of food we eat, I don't see it happening.

Ok, enough. I think that's all I meant to blog about. Whilst I sat here typing the girls tried to strangle each other, sampled Cocktail Sauce and decided they liked it both as a food and as a paint, festooned the dining room with flash cards, and took off all their clothes.

I should go now.

*Mouse turds! Honestly people, keep up with me here:)
** He also wrote this note, but didn't leave it because it was April First and he thought I'd think it was a joke:
Dear Mom,
This morning I saw the mouse just kinda sitting there (he was very much alive though) so I picked up the colander and put it over him. He's wicked cute. Just remember, if you pick up the colander, he's gone! I leave it up to you to think up what to do.


I find both of these notes to be unbearably endearing. Maybe it's the way the first note is in his atrocious cursive, and the second is in all caps.