Thursday, September 06, 2007

The Tether's End

That's where you'll find me these days. I think I'm actually doing better lately, but if you need a frazzled women to raise her voice to near supersonic levels and go off at the drop of a hat, I'm your girl.

For one thing, there's this belly I've grown. It's truly ludicrous. Absolutely silly. The floor keeps getting farther away, and I have to bend at the waist to reach Simon for a kiss.

Then there's The Thing, formerly known as Peanut. I can't stand holding the girl, who loves to stand or sit on the belly. She's had a cold (yet another!) and has required much holding by me, but there's no good way to get her up to the shoulder for a snuggle without squishing the belly and making me wince. And she's growing, too, so I find myself putting her heavy thing down when I really shouldn't, like, in the middle of stores full of shelves of things she can get into.

Then there's the Boy, who is almost as psycho as I. I can't describe the torment that I go through in a day with Him Who Means Well But Takes Four Hours To Do A Twenty Minute Task Then Does It Wrong Because He Didn't Listen Or Thought He Had A Better Idea And That's If He Remembered To Do It At All.

We started school today, and I've just now gone apeshit on his ass because when I told him he'd forgotten units and he could go fix that real quick, he threw his notebook in the room and said "That's bullshit."

Oh yeah, there's a good idea, Boy, that'll go over real well.

I think I've now made it very clear that that was egregious, it's behavior befitting a toddler, and IT WILL NOT BE FUCKING TOLERATED.


Alrighty then.

My throat's scratchy now.


It would seem I'm not the only one at the end of my tether. All my local girly friends have their plates so full stuff is falling off the edges. We're all feeling pulled many directions. None of us have enough time. etc etc etc

At least there's the comfort of knowing I'm not alone. Sometimes I'd look at what these amazing women had taken on, and I'd feel soooo, well, underaccomplished. I couldn't get my dishes done over the head over my toddler, but two of my friends were running farms whilst raising three kids. It's not schadenfreude- I wish things were easier for all of us - it's just comfort at the thought that I'm not defective because my kids make it hard to do a damn task from start to the fucking finish, thank you very much.

One of my friends went to visit family, and I helped her out by collecting and washing eggs from her chickens. Boy watched The Thing sleep so I could go by myself. As I sat there in front of the sink washing the eggs I just felt so damn happy. Each egg was unique and pretty- reminded me of rocks, really, and I realized that even more than the eggs I was enjoying doing something without someone needing anything from me. I was doing uni-tasking, for once, and it was wonderful. I hadn't realized until then just how badly I needed a break from the children now and then.

Because you know what- you don't get a break from Momming very often. Simon sends me off for Girls Night now and then- I shudder to think what would have happened by now if he didn't. He's so wise. But other than that you don't get a break when you pee (the Thing screams if I go in the bathroom and she doesn't, because, don't you know, the bathroom is super-happy-magical-fun-land), you don't get a break when you shower (She usually showers with me, unless I swing a shower at naptime or Simon watches her), you don't get a break at night (She still wakes up a couple of times a night, although she doesn't always need me for anything...). You don't get a break when you eat or when you're trying to clean the house or when you'd really just like to sit still for a minute. I know Simon doesn't want to get stuck with The Thing and The Boy right when he walks through the door, but some days I'm just sooooo through.

I suppose that just about sums up what's going on with me these days. In other news:
* Poor Simon has to get a ton of dental work done. With much poking of sharp things in his mouth and whatnot. The special insult to this injury is that we have to pay someone for the pleasure:)

* Still no news about the Peanut. We've reached the point that we don't care what the news is. She's got a speech delay, for whatever reason, and we're just going to have to work on that. So we will. We're starting with a hearing test, and early intervention is coming back out this month. We haven't done the full, all out Google fest that we should, but I figure there's no real rush.

* Simon and I are going to attempt VBAC. Doctor says I'm a good candidate. Feel like a better candidate than a mother because I haven't been squatting or practicing my lamaze or calling the Doula back....

* Simon is pretty sick of his work place. He'd like another, if you've got a spare with benefits that doesn't involve us moving.

Going to be the Bad Witch,

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